I just have to say my amazing husband SPOILS me :o) he is so awesome.
Gifts from my love this Christmas <3
1. A personal library lol
Roverandom by Tolkien
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
M Is For Magic by Neil Gaiman
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice
The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel and Don Jose Ruiz
2. Some of my favorite movies!
With Honors
School Ties
Say Anything
High Fidelity
Sixteen Candles
French Kiss
3. Red Satin Pajamas!
4. Black scroll Yankee Candle holder with an "L" that hangs from it!
5. This jumper dress I fell in love with at Macy's and leggings and Christmas socks :o)
6. Knee high gray Muk-Luks boots with big brown buttons that go all the way up along the side!
7. An Autumn Fairy Figurine, so very pretty!
8. This awesome figurine that I fell in love with... basically he is a pine cone creature holding these little acorn creatures with a mushroom standing next to them, it is so cute! I loved him 'cause he looks like one of the creatures from "Where The Wild Things Are" <3
9. A purple Ipod Nano!
10. AND THE REAL SURPRISE GIFT - A TRIPOD FOR MY CAMERA!!!
So yeah, he spoils me lol even though all I wanted for Christmas was for him to be home and not working... and I got that too :o)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
True Colors
I really wish I could write something positive in this blog for once.
To sum up the holidays, I AM SO HAPPY THEY ARE NEARLY OVER. Everyone's true colors came through this Christmas, and I am counting down to the day we move out of this house. Due to my Aunt's persistence in having a surprise party for my Mom or Girl's Night Out... when no one has money... and my Mom specifically saying she did not want a party... we had a surprise party for my Mom's 50th birthday. I have been busting my ass this month to set everything up for this party, invites, a time line of poster boards with a collage of my Mom through the years, seeing who can make food, reserving tables and chairs and a heated tent (which we didn't wind up getting)... because when my Aunts said we should do something even though I wasn't going to... I second guessed myself and thought maybe my Mom is doing some reverse psychology... and with that the party planning started. I really was thinking maybe she was trying to make it seem like she didn't want it, but she really did. Because I know if we didn't do something special, she would be hurt... especially the boys not doing something. Because I am extremely sentimental... I am always doing sentimental things for my Mom... she could care less if they come from me. But I decided to do it anyway.
Anyway to put it plainly... it was a disaster. My older brother was trying to do everything his way... because he is the "successful" one, the pride and joy of my Mother because he made something of himself... because he strapped himself with mortgage payments of a huge house out in West Grove and a needless full bar for the basement. Because my Mother measures success in a monetary value. Because his intellect is SUPERIOR to every one else in this world. He is GOD, didn't you know? My oldest brother bitching that I didn't involve him... and why would I involve him when he called me not two weeks before and said he couldn't put a dime towards the gift idea for my Mom... a Travel Gift Fund. And he lives in Horsham... he would never drag his ass down here to help in that way. And making food? His wife would be doing it, and the woman can't stand my Mom so WTF. Then he's got the nerve to make me feel like an idiot because I am stressed for the 2 weeks before Christmas, not getting any sleep, making sure everything is done so by the day of the party I was frazzled and wasn't thinking of solutions quick enough. Thats right because I'm fat, I must be dumb. My younger brother not even wanting to put money into the gift... I wasn't expecting any help from him because he doesn't care about anyone except himself. I don't have a job and Pete and I put in $560! My Dad who refuses to believe he is EVER at fault for anything!
I COULD HAVE OVERLOOKED THAT ALL...
People started showing... not everyone I expected, but still a good crowd. We were waiting and excited! She comes in, she seems surprised! I thought she was. Not 5 minutes in, me and Pete are sitting down... my Dad asks my Mom right in front of me if she was happy and surprised... and she says she is extremely embarrassed by people being in her house and thought that it was ridiculous! She kept going on and on to my Dad. She was pissed! She fucking hated it! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. But I didn't... I felt like I was going to start crying my eyes out so I tried to get upstairs as fast as I could... Pete not much after and... then my wicked step mother not much behind. I wanted nothing to do with her. I would have been fine if I never saw her again at that moment. She started yelling at Pete! I blew up! Yell at me, I won't give a shit... but Pete had nothing to do with it!!! Except for being the best husband ever and helping me EVERY step of the way. PROVEN yet again that I am not the daughter she wanted... that I can do nothing right... and that my sentimental gifts to her mean nothing. I only came out for Pete. She was going to walk out like it would bother me any. She was so phony and fake the rest of the night... telling me how good it was to see everybody, how nice it was, how awesome the collage poster boards were. She barely acknowledged her gift... the Travel Gift Fund. She gushed and said thank you. The words were so empty and meant nothing to me. And the next day on Facebook, she posts the same bullsh for EVERYONE to see. The words became even more empty if that was possible. I know I will NEVER do something like this for her ever again. I AM TIRED OF HER LACK OF EMOTION. HER BULLSHIT. HER QUIET DEMANDS. HER MANIPULATING. I cannot connect with this woman at all. I have tried so many times. We are two completely different people, and I am TIRED. TIRED of everything and trying. And trying to act like it doesn't matter, and that everything is okay with me and her ... and me and this family. From what happened between me, Nick and Lisa when I confided in her and she went not five minutes later to my Mother to tell her everything, her yelling at me for some bullshit and talking to me like I were her daughter and me standing up for myself, to Nick going ballistic on me and almost punching me... from Artie being a complete asshole and disrespecting me and my husband time and time again... to Anthony completely taking advantage of all the help I ever try to give him, being unbelievably hot and cold, treating me like absolute shit, badmouthing the hell out of me to my other family members time and time again and acting like he didn't when I heard the whole thing, and not caring at all that he hurts me ALL the time... to me being the OUTCAST, the BLACK SHEEP, to being the one left out of my brothers' little fucking club, hearing not a fucking phone call from any of them! To being the one that no one gives a FUCK about! Other than badmouthing my life choices! I am tired of the lies and secrets and guilt trips! I am tired of being judged! I am tired of my family making me feel worthless, hopeless, helpless and like a complete failure! I am tired of the lack of support of anything I ever wanted to do from my parents! Why couldn't they just say go for it for FUCKING ONCE?!?!? This is not the way it is in every family, and I AM DONE! I am done pretending.
To sum up the holidays, I AM SO HAPPY THEY ARE NEARLY OVER. Everyone's true colors came through this Christmas, and I am counting down to the day we move out of this house. Due to my Aunt's persistence in having a surprise party for my Mom or Girl's Night Out... when no one has money... and my Mom specifically saying she did not want a party... we had a surprise party for my Mom's 50th birthday. I have been busting my ass this month to set everything up for this party, invites, a time line of poster boards with a collage of my Mom through the years, seeing who can make food, reserving tables and chairs and a heated tent (which we didn't wind up getting)... because when my Aunts said we should do something even though I wasn't going to... I second guessed myself and thought maybe my Mom is doing some reverse psychology... and with that the party planning started. I really was thinking maybe she was trying to make it seem like she didn't want it, but she really did. Because I know if we didn't do something special, she would be hurt... especially the boys not doing something. Because I am extremely sentimental... I am always doing sentimental things for my Mom... she could care less if they come from me. But I decided to do it anyway.
Anyway to put it plainly... it was a disaster. My older brother was trying to do everything his way... because he is the "successful" one, the pride and joy of my Mother because he made something of himself... because he strapped himself with mortgage payments of a huge house out in West Grove and a needless full bar for the basement. Because my Mother measures success in a monetary value. Because his intellect is SUPERIOR to every one else in this world. He is GOD, didn't you know? My oldest brother bitching that I didn't involve him... and why would I involve him when he called me not two weeks before and said he couldn't put a dime towards the gift idea for my Mom... a Travel Gift Fund. And he lives in Horsham... he would never drag his ass down here to help in that way. And making food? His wife would be doing it, and the woman can't stand my Mom so WTF. Then he's got the nerve to make me feel like an idiot because I am stressed for the 2 weeks before Christmas, not getting any sleep, making sure everything is done so by the day of the party I was frazzled and wasn't thinking of solutions quick enough. Thats right because I'm fat, I must be dumb. My younger brother not even wanting to put money into the gift... I wasn't expecting any help from him because he doesn't care about anyone except himself. I don't have a job and Pete and I put in $560! My Dad who refuses to believe he is EVER at fault for anything!
I COULD HAVE OVERLOOKED THAT ALL...
People started showing... not everyone I expected, but still a good crowd. We were waiting and excited! She comes in, she seems surprised! I thought she was. Not 5 minutes in, me and Pete are sitting down... my Dad asks my Mom right in front of me if she was happy and surprised... and she says she is extremely embarrassed by people being in her house and thought that it was ridiculous! She kept going on and on to my Dad. She was pissed! She fucking hated it! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. But I didn't... I felt like I was going to start crying my eyes out so I tried to get upstairs as fast as I could... Pete not much after and... then my wicked step mother not much behind. I wanted nothing to do with her. I would have been fine if I never saw her again at that moment. She started yelling at Pete! I blew up! Yell at me, I won't give a shit... but Pete had nothing to do with it!!! Except for being the best husband ever and helping me EVERY step of the way. PROVEN yet again that I am not the daughter she wanted... that I can do nothing right... and that my sentimental gifts to her mean nothing. I only came out for Pete. She was going to walk out like it would bother me any. She was so phony and fake the rest of the night... telling me how good it was to see everybody, how nice it was, how awesome the collage poster boards were. She barely acknowledged her gift... the Travel Gift Fund. She gushed and said thank you. The words were so empty and meant nothing to me. And the next day on Facebook, she posts the same bullsh for EVERYONE to see. The words became even more empty if that was possible. I know I will NEVER do something like this for her ever again. I AM TIRED OF HER LACK OF EMOTION. HER BULLSHIT. HER QUIET DEMANDS. HER MANIPULATING. I cannot connect with this woman at all. I have tried so many times. We are two completely different people, and I am TIRED. TIRED of everything and trying. And trying to act like it doesn't matter, and that everything is okay with me and her ... and me and this family. From what happened between me, Nick and Lisa when I confided in her and she went not five minutes later to my Mother to tell her everything, her yelling at me for some bullshit and talking to me like I were her daughter and me standing up for myself, to Nick going ballistic on me and almost punching me... from Artie being a complete asshole and disrespecting me and my husband time and time again... to Anthony completely taking advantage of all the help I ever try to give him, being unbelievably hot and cold, treating me like absolute shit, badmouthing the hell out of me to my other family members time and time again and acting like he didn't when I heard the whole thing, and not caring at all that he hurts me ALL the time... to me being the OUTCAST, the BLACK SHEEP, to being the one left out of my brothers' little fucking club, hearing not a fucking phone call from any of them! To being the one that no one gives a FUCK about! Other than badmouthing my life choices! I am tired of the lies and secrets and guilt trips! I am tired of being judged! I am tired of my family making me feel worthless, hopeless, helpless and like a complete failure! I am tired of the lack of support of anything I ever wanted to do from my parents! Why couldn't they just say go for it for FUCKING ONCE?!?!? This is not the way it is in every family, and I AM DONE! I am done pretending.
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