After years of planning and researching, I actually got up the nerve yesterday to take my sketch to a tattoo artist... and it failed miserably :o(

I made a really rough sketch of what I wanted it to look like...

I wanted it to be pretty much an upper arm half sleeve... a rustic drawing/painting type tattoo of a wine glass surrounded by sunflowers and vines with lyrics from "Bartender" inside the glass.

I set up a consultation with an impressive tattoo artist who is about an hour away. Well I showed him my sketch, and he shot it down in about 5 seconds saying that the font was too small who would eventually spread into a blob. This being my first tattoo I definitely don't know the ins and outs of getting one so I was definitely open to suggestions. But he gave me none. No advice or offer to do a sketch of what he thought would work. I was so bummed. Then he asks so when do I want to set up an appointment??? I then asked him if he was going to do a sketch of idea that would work... and he said maybe a couple days before and if I wanted to change anything, he would do it right then. I didn't like that really because I wanted it planned out before hand. The stress and pressure of doing it right then might cause me to make a decision I'm not happy with. Because I look for ways to get out of uncomfortable situations. So I told him I was going to hold off and see if I could work out something myself. It seemed like he didn't want to do it at all. Maybe because I didn't look punk or want something dark. And I know I have seen text tattoos in small places and long text tattoos. Pete met up with a tattoo artist who seems cool, he's from California... he was much nicer than the guy I was talking to. So Pete has Sunday set to get his tattoo of an ohm on his calf. He's really excited :o)

Anyways so after that I was really discouraged. I thought about giving it up.

But I decided to look one more time for a decent place to go. I accidentally came across this place called Moo Tattoo while looking up reviews for Na Ka Oi Tiki Tattoo... which got mixed reviews on personality. So I looked more into Moo Tattoo. And there is this amazing artist there, Shawn Dubin (http://www.shawndubin.com/). I don't know if he'll be like the guy from Sink the Ink, but I decided to give it a shot. So I sent them an email explaining everything from years of planning and researching to what happened yesterday. I asked if they would look at an emailed sketch of what I wanted to tell me if it was possible, if there was something we could do to make it work or if they just didn't want to do it.

And they responded within half an hour saying "Sure! Send any sketches and we'll get the process started!"

So I'm a tad excited! ...but still trying not to get my hopes up too much lol.

"Passing time with you in mind
It’s another quiet night
Feel the ground against my back
Counting stars against the black
Think about another day
Wishing I was far away
Wherever I dreamed I was
You were there with me

Playing like we used to play
Like it would never go away
I feel you beating in my chest
I’d be dead without..."

8 days 'til I see my little brother :o)

Typical Situation

Its one of those nights when I just have no desire to sleep. I love these nights. Being awake while the rest of the world is dreaming. I'm thinking of a million things. How much I miss my brother. How much I love my husband. How everything falls into place. How everything happens all at once. Things I need to do. Things I am afraid of. Events of the summer. What my life will bring me. What my future looks like.

I got some new fishies today. I was so bummed when this past week one of the goldfish ate Gary, my snail and also Sucker, the Otocinclus :o( so we found a new home for the goldfish. We also lost Pumbaa. We have a bigger tank now so we got some more fish. We still have Jack Johnson, Kingston and Angel. We added now
Pongo~ a Dalmatian Molly, Night Fury a.k.a. Toothless~ a Black Molly, Plato~ a Pleco (algae eater type),
Minnie~ (My Mom's fish) an Asst Molly,
and Reds~ (My Dad's fish) a Neon Tetra. So we're happy :o) we still have some work to do on the tank to pretty it up so we'll be finishing that up tomorrow night!

I started a few paintings last week lol. I got bad news last weekend so that killed my creativity. I really hate when that happens. So I started a painting for my nephew, Brian, of bugs. I was going to pick three bugs and paint them in outrageous colors. Well my mind was all over the place. I didn't pick the right bugs... and didn't have the right paint colors to create the mood I was going for. So I stopped that painting lol. The next day, I was inspired to paint the DMB fire dancer... My idea was to have the fire dancer slightly to the side with the rings behind it and then a close up on the fire dancer's face. I, at first, didn't like it because I wasn't feeling like myself yet. But as I went on I was liking where it was headed. I wasn't able to finish that night and left it for the next day. The next day I was really inspired to do a Fountain piece! I don't know why lol... I guess because I was listening to the soundtrack. I wasn't liking where that was going at first, but now I am loving it! Every time I look at it I feel moved. I'm not finished it, but I plan on working on it tomorrow during the day :o)

These days whenever I look at a picture of Anthony I feel a pang in my chest. I miss him so much. Its just getting weird now. I don't like it. Friday night, I wrote him a six page letter lol. And yesterday, I wrote him a short story. I'm not sure if I should send it to him. It speaks of having pride in death. Anthony is just like me, the person who gets inspired by movies he sees and books he reads. I am afraid of what it will say to him. Hopefully I will get a sign on what I should do.

This past Sunday was Mother's Day... for my Mom I worked all week to do a canvas painting of a close up of a Calla Lily. She seemed to like it. My self esteem and confidence is building so its still pretty vulnerable. I was hoping she didn't say the wrong thing to crush it. But she didn't. She actually wants to get it framed, and wants to put it in the Living Room. She also wants me to do a close up of a seashell for the Living Room. I felt good. But also weird. She didn't really compliment it. But the fact she's putting it up and wants me to do another... its weird. I love my Mom, don't get me wrong. I am always thinking of her... she would disagree. I am always doing personal things for her... birthdays, Mother's Day, their anniversary. And all my decisions are based on her. Which isn't right for me. Which is why I struggle with waiting to have a baby. I haven't lived for myself yet. Its always been for someone else. Now I'm slowly getting there with my husband's help... I need this. Anyway, I just don't understand her in the slightest. I don't like being a mystery... I like people to know exactly who I am. So her mysteriousness and secrecy and emotionlessness and vagueness is trying. And talking to her about any of this is as effective as talking to a wall. She changes the subject or calls me dramatic. I thought she would change... she might have... but not in the way I was hoping.

Last Sunday, me and Pete went to the Street Fair in Media, PA. I love Media! I would live there in a heartbeat! ...if it wasn't located in Delaware County. Its me though. Quaint shopping village full of creativity and art and cute homes. They aren't very pet friendly though :o( but anyways it was so much fun! Me and Pete just strolled along visiting all the tables... I LOVE street fairs. Beautiful hand crafted jewelry, photography, homemade doggie treats, retro sports memorabilia, knick knacks, all kinds of different artwork, handmade crafts of all kinds... clothes, blankets, purses, hats. I could spend the entire day there easily if I was rich lol. I left with a beautiful necklace of the Tree of Life... anyone who knows me knows I have a fascination with the Tree of Life, some homemade doggie treats for Sammy (and that Maggie likes as well ha ha!), an awesome shadow box piece that says "imagine, dare to dream," a piece that looks like four glass coasters together, in each section is a letter and it spells out love. We also got used cds for a really good deal! We got some good ones... well good to us... Bush, Nine Inch Nails, G Love and Blink-182 (although I'm not a big fan of Blink lol). Pete also got a very cool bracelet, Native American Rune bracelet... braided leather and the Rune charm that means "Balance" in the center which looks like a "P."

Well after the Street Fair, we weren't ready to go home yet so we decided to venture to the Broomall Carnival! Carnivals are one of my favorite things ever. Just being there reminds me of being a kid. Especially at night... all the rides, lights, games, prizes and the smell of funnel cake in the air! I was in my kid-dom glory :o) We started visiting all the games... Pete loves the dart games and of course there was one there! And he won! He won a really nice quality USA soccer jersey... he decided he should give it to my Dad who really liked it. He played a few more games... a football toss and gun shooting target game (for Ant lol). Then we walked up to the fishy game... the game where you win fishies. Trying to get balls into little glass jars. We won seven fishies!!! But we traded in six little fishies for the two big pretty fantail goldfishies :o) So we left with three fish. We went to the store to get a small tank. We now have a whole tank setup lol. We got really into it! The fish I really, really, REALLY want... I can't get yet. Koi. But I will someday. For now, we have our little fish family that we are so excited about! We have the three we won... Pumbaa- a black/orange shimmery Comet goldfish who really likes to eat, Ariel- (Mom's) a pretty orange/white Fantail goldfish
and Flounder- a bright red orange Red Ryukin goldfish. Then we have Kingston- (Pete's) a really awesome looking fish... yellow face with black speckles, orange belly with black speckles, black fins and he's a Sunburst Platy named after the capital of Jamaica 'cause he looks like he's from the islands. Then there's Jack Johnson- he's a Turquoise Guppy. Very tropical looking... yellow face and belly that fades into beautiful big fan like Turquoise fin. Then we have Angel- she's a Pictus catfish (originally thought to be an Angelicus catfish therefore the name... and now it stuck lol). She's shimmery silvery/white with black spots and really long whiskers. And she's preggers. Well she's actually filled up with eggs, but without a male they won't be fertilized. Then there's Sucker- an Otocinclus (very similar to an Algae Eater but cooler looking). Last but not least, my favorite. Gary! Gary is a Mystery Snail... with a bright golden yellow shell and creamy white colored body with orange speckles. Named after Spongebob's pet snail. He's so cool :o)


Well we're loving our little fishy family! Summer's coming soon... and with that all the craziness planned! I can't wait :o)

This song really reminds me of Anthony... so I sent it to him :o)

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city lights
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing, stretching every nerve
I had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom, boom, boom!
"Son," he said, "grab your things, I've come to take you home!"

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Though my life was in a rut
Till I thought of what I'd say
And which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom, boom, boom!
"Hey," he said, "grab your things, I've come to take you home!"

Hey-ey, back home!

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
So I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom, boom, boom!
"Hey," I said, "you can keep my things, they've come to take me home!"

April 26, 2010 was Our First Wedding Anniversary... I'm so so so happy.
I wish I hadn't been sick so that I could fully appreciate it. I love my husband more than anything. He is my best friend, my heart and soul. He makes my life full. We stayed in Woodbine, NJ at a friend's shore house... and it was a perfect getaway retreat :o) They were calling for rain the whole time, but we didn't care. We were together, and thats what mattered. We were just able to enjoy each other. It was awesome so I can imagine what it would be if I wasn't sick! The first night we just got settled, watched High Fidelity. Love that movie.

The second day wound up being beautifully sunny... so we ventured to Higbee Beach! But before that, we tried out the golf cart! I love golf carts except the fact that they have to charge. Yes, the battery died while we out driving it lol. TWICE. And all the residents were making fun of us. But on to the beach! Higbee Beach is a naturalist beach, or was lol, but it is a wildlife management area. And they allow dogs :o) Sammy loves the beach, and he loved it that day! He kept running from the water though lol. While we were there, we found so many animals! All kinds of crabs... and other dogs lol. This big, wet chocolate lab came splashing up to Sammy LOL Sammy was actually good with him and then he took off splashing and flopping some more. It was so funny to watch :oD We also came across a horseshoe crab! We thought he wasn't alive at first because he was flipped over, not moving. But when we got close we noticed his little legs going... he couldn't flip over :o( so Pete turned him over, but he was just being pushed back up on the beach. So then Pete tossed him into the water, and we just watched him as he faded away into the ocean.



As we were about to leave, it started to cloud up and that was the norm for the rest of our trip! Every time we went out the rain would hold off until we were driving back to our place when it would start raining lol. But that night, we watched Pirate Radio which is hella funny! I recommend renting it.

Next day, we braved the menacing clouds and went to Cape May city! We visited the mall walk... some of our favorite stores. Bought lots of souvenirs that day :o) new charms for my charm necklace... "W" charm for Weddell, Guitar charm for Pete, Bone charm for Sammy, Sunflower charm for Me, "Follow Your Dreams" charm for how I feel about life. So now in my necklace its those new charms plus a paw charm for Maggie Mittens and a miniature wedding ring charm. I also got a new Charming Tales Anniversary figurine! Its super cute! Two champagne glasses that holds a girl and boy mouse and they are reaching over kissing, love it! Also stopped in Hallmark, picked out some cards I needed. Got up to the register and saw these cute charms, don't really know what they are for... I guess pocket charms? I fell in love with them. Glass ladybugs, Glass hearts, Angel pennies and silver peace signs. I got into a conversation with the lady because she was there when I came there the year before for our Wedding. I went with the peace sign. I have a thing for peace signs and told her so. We talked about that and then about Higbee Beach which she says is supposedly haunted by a dog who protects the treasure of a pirate buried on that beach. I was so intrigued! I really need to read that Cape May ghosts book! Anyways she gave me the peace sign for free :o) and also found a peace sign bumper sticker to give me for free. This is why I love Cape May, they are such nice people that live there. I also bought a "W" key chain that day. After that, I needed to set up my anniversary present for Pete. I adopted him a sea turtle because they are tied for his favorite animal with tiger. So an adoption certificate is the paper :o) I also did a canvas painting of Crush from Finding Nemo for him. I also did this thing with three cards... Past, Present and Future. Past was a letter I wrote to him telling him the things I loved most about him I discovered over the years. Present was a beachy card specifying the 1st Anniversary aspect... telling him if he counted every sea shell on the beach, I'd still love him more. Future was a card expressing how I will feel about our life together when we are old. Then it started to rain, no torrential downpour like CRAZY. It was so loud! We attempted to watch French Kiss, but we couldn't hear a thing lol so went to bed.




Next day, our Anniversary... one year ago I married my best friend! We ventured into town again. We did some more shopping. First store was a dog/cat lover store... bought a couple of car magnets and a Cape May shirt for Sammy. Next we went to a place called Across the Way... bought some personality pins and a bracelet I absolutely love. It has a braided leather strap with a metal plate engraved with the saying from Mother Teresa, "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." While we were in this awesome store... our wedding song came in!!! <3 how awesome is that! "Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like "Why are we here?" and "Where do we go?" and "How come it's so hard?" It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving. I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together." <3 <3 <3 So we danced, right in the middle of the store :o) When things like that happen I think I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be at that moment.
Then we went to Cove Beach... where we got married. The clouds looked vicious, but we went anyway. I'm glad we did! It was beautiful. The waves were intense, perfect for surfing. We actually got into a conversation with a local surfer. He was a really nice guy. While Pete and him were having some surf talk... I was snapping away with pictures. Breathtaking views. Being there that day made me realize that the normal weather for this time of year is rainy and unpredictable. Which means to me that our Wedding Day was supposed to happen. Everything was... perfect. Everything fell spectacularly into place. The weather was absolutely beautiful and the whole day was a dream :o) And I knew we were exactly where we were supposed to be.




It was awesome too because that was the first time I had seen surfing in person. We spent some time just looking out from the Pavilion. Then we collected some sand for our sand ceremony and keepsake shell and found an awesome shell in the process! Then we headed to the Lobster House for our 1st Anniversary dinner :op we both got some awesome food! But Pete especially... flounder! And yes, he made me try it and I loved it! After dinner, we went back to the house... the rain started. We exchanged gifts. Pete got me a Charming Tales figurine where the two mice are sitting in a cup of tea which is us :op and also a late summer fairy figurine sitting on golden mums. And wrote out an awesome card/poem (paper). I felt so lovey. I feel so lovey. He is awesome. We ended the night with the Sand Ceremony, which a dear friend of mine made for us for our Wedding Day. One jar of plum colored sand representing my individuality, one jar of orange colored representing Pete's individuality, and one jar of sand from the beach of our Wedding Day. Once combined, it makes a new color. A new life of being together. And like the sand, once joined cannot be separated :o)


It was the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. She'll never know how much it meant to me. But it turned out awesome. So it wasn't a very exciting trip, not much happened... but thats just how we like it :op

I can't believe we've been married a year already... so much has happened lol but I'm so thankful that I go through everything with Pete. Its such an awesome feeling that I am going through my life with this man. I love him so much it hurts.