This past Sunday was Mother's Day... for my Mom I worked all week to do a canvas painting of a close up of a Calla Lily. She seemed to like it. My self esteem and confidence is building so its still pretty vulnerable. I was hoping she didn't say the wrong thing to crush it. But she didn't. She actually wants to get it framed, and wants to put it in the Living Room. She also wants me to do a close up of a seashell for the Living Room. I felt good. But also weird. She didn't really compliment it. But the fact she's putting it up and wants me to do another... its weird. I love my Mom, don't get me wrong. I am always thinking of her... she would disagree. I am always doing personal things for her... birthdays, Mother's Day, their anniversary. And all my decisions are based on her. Which isn't right for me. Which is why I struggle with waiting to have a baby. I haven't lived for myself yet. Its always been for someone else. Now I'm slowly getting there with my husband's help... I need this. Anyway, I just don't understand her in the slightest. I don't like being a mystery... I like people to know exactly who I am. So her mysteriousness and secrecy and emotionlessness and vagueness is trying. And talking to her about any of this is as effective as talking to a wall. She changes the subject or calls me dramatic. I thought she would change... she might have... but not in the way I was hoping.