Contemplative...

I've been thinking so much lately. Not that that has really changed ever.
But I have been thinking of all the things I ever wanted to be. Sometimes I feel so inadequate. So mediocre. Especially because I am so much of a dreamer. I dream 95% of the time of everything I want in life. And accomplished so few. Especially with school... I wish I had more focus. I would have loved to be the A+ school girl who sounds so intelligent when she speaks as a woman. But I'm pretty sure that will not be the case. I just kind of want to fit in somewhere... like an inspirational professor or an unbelievable artist. I want to put my mark on the world some how. And absolutely not in the corporate world. I despise the corporate world. I just feel it goes against every fiber of my being. People in the corporate world are mostly greedy, power hungry wolves. They are willing to ruin someone else to get ahead. Most of them lie, gossip and take advantage of good people. I do not want to be miserable in that lifestyle. I fear going back into that world. I am so afraid of my past. I hope my plans can come through with hard work and perserverance... and that I will not have to bring myself back into that world. And pray.

My Birthday :o)

My birthday was yesterday, and what a good day! :o)

My hubby spoiled me...

Starting at midnight, he made me come downstairs to a wrapped present... opening it to find the Halloween decoration I wanted! Its from Hallmark, a Halloween decorated box (for trick or treaters to get candy) and when you open there are all sorts of sound effects! Loved it! But inside the box were multiple things...

The first was an awesome Hoops and Yoyo talking card!!! If you know me, you know that I absolutely love love love Hoops and Yoyo! It was Hoops and Yoyo as pirates talking about birthday booty LOL :o)
Second was a funny card about aging... I have trouble with aging, ha ha ha.
Third was a sentimental card, and it was so amazingly sweet. I love my hubby <3

Then there another wrapped present inside... the newest season of House! Which is awesome because I missed the second half of the season and I wanted to see it before the new season starts!

Then on the bottom of the box was a note that read...

"This is the Birthday Treasure Hunt! Find the clues and put them together to find out your final gift! Good Luck Matey!"

:oD I was pretty excited!

Pete then handed me a note that read...
"A very handy home holds the first clue to your final gift! Think hard!"
I at first focused on "handy" and "holds" thinking it may be a purse... but to no avail. Then I thought "home" and I started looking for a home inside our home. And I thought the bird house Pete made! Pete's Surf Shack! And sure enough, there it was sticking out of the door!

The next clue read..
"WE ARE..." on the first side and on the back it read... "The next clue may be found in the movie you most want to see on your birthday!"
I knew what that was! I had been dying to watch Lilo & Stitch, one of my favs. I know I'm weird for craving a Disney movie, but I don't care I love them. Searched inside the dvd and found the next clue!

Which read... "GOING..." on the first side and on the opposite side it read... "Your final clue lies in the sands of our wishes..."
And I looked to the right to see our Wish Tree from our wedding and saw a note sticking out of the sand!

The final clue read...
"TO SEE..." and the opposite side... "Now put the clues together for your final gift!"

"WE ARE GOING TO SEE..."

Then he played a song... "Shut your eyes and think of somewhere... somewhere cold and caked in snow..."
AHHHHHHHHHH! SNOW PATROL! One of my favorite bands ever and one I have been dying to see!!!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!! WHAT A GOOD SURPRISE!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! <3

The next day I woke up, showered and put on one of my favorite outfits, prettied myself up and put on the necklace my Mum got me for my birthday! We just relaxed pretty much then watched Lilo & Stitch :o) He didn't let me get up to do anything, he did everything all day... cleaned, anything I needed he would get for me, it was so nice <3 he's so good to me.

Then he recreated my favorite meal from Carrabba's... Pollo Rosa Maria with a side of cavatappi and my favorite wine Beringer White Zinfandel. It was amazing! He is such a good cook! And he also bought me, my favorite, a chocolate chip cookie cake... you know those huge chocolate chip cookies with icing on them from Mrs. Fields!

It might sound boring, but I'm pretty much a big kid so it was awesome to me :o)

I love you hubby so much <3 thank you for the awesome birthday!!!


~~~But I can't wait 'til this Sunday to give you your real birthday present!!! :oD

Cape May <3

I just wanted to write that every time I visit Cape May, I love it more and more <3

Pete and I went there for a couple of days with my folks, my brother Artie, and his family. The kids were awesome!!! It really was such a good time... highlights being the kids and the afternoon me, Pete and my parents spent at the Cape May Winery... we were all toasty when we left and headed to town. It was so much fun, we were all being silly lol

My Mom bought us these neat necklaces, glass lockets trimmed in silver and rhinestone and inside you put these tiny charms that mean something to you. They have all these different charms! My Mom got a smaller heart shaped locket and inside a rhinestone M and red crystal heart. I got a larger circle locket and the charms I got are a rhinestone L, flip flops, a beach scene and a wedding ring <3 I just love it so much!!! She bought it for my birthday so I just wanted to say "Thank you Mom!!!" And I bought another addition to my Charming Tails collection... this one is a little mouse with a lighthouse to remind me of Cape May :o) I just love everything about Cape May, the shops, the beach, the houses, the things to do, the restaurants!

The only bad part was that it was SO HOT! I didn't venture into the sun much... we went to the beach and it was great because our hotel gives out beach umbrellas and chairs. And the other bad part was because it was so short :o(

Cape May is my favorite place in the world <3

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

I don't even know what to say... I'm in such a funk... I feel like this happens every summer. Sometimes I think summer brings out the worst in me...

For the past few weeks, I feel like there has been a rain cloud over my head. I really really hate when this happens. It just seems like it is so hard to get along with everyone in my life. And all these upsets, disappointments and aggravations just build and build until I feel like I'm about to spaz!

I thought Seattle would be my chance to get away from everything and everyone, but it was a pretty miserable trip. Don't get me wrong... we had our highlights and fun times! But everything went wrong... from the rental car, to having to cancel parts of our trip, blisters, sunburn, flight delays, mean people and other things I won't mention. It was no vacation. And it absolutely wore me out. Both of us! We just wanted to be home!

But when we got home it was just more of the same... more fighting and aggravations.

Money is tight. The pressure from my parents on me getting a job and us finding a place to live is suffocating. Problems with Maggie getting fixed. Grrr! The list goes on and on...

And now I feel so stressed and blah and tense and defensive. My parents would say I have no reason to feel that way. But I am so easily overwhelmed these days. But its because its not one or two problems thrown at me sometimes... its either smooth sailing or stress overload! I've got nothing going on then all the sudden all these problems fall into my lap. I know I'm not the only one, but come on.

And to top it all off, the old friend that I thought I would hear no more of... kept trying to get in contact with me. I hadn't even thought of her since I wrote the blog. I should have just ignored her. But I sent her a message... cold and to the point. My intention was not to make her feel bad, but to let her know how I felt and that I did not want to be her friend. But she replied and blasted me. I knew she would, and I know her intention was to make me feel as horrible and small as she possibly could. I expected no less. Her biggest point was that I blamed her for everything when if she actually read what I wrote I said many things happened, but what happened with her was the most hurtful because she was supposed to be my best friend. I put my heart and soul in friendships and relationships, and she ripped it out. But now she is for sure out of my life, and it gives me relief. And after tonight, I will never think of her again. And oddly enough, despite her hurtful remarks, I am already feeling better.

What keeps me going... my amazing husband and Sam and Mags. I love them so much <3
I thank God for them everyday. I can't wait to move to our favorite place in the world :o)
Pete starts school soon! He seems so excited about it, and it makes me so happy for him! Maggie seems to be getting better each day which is good. And Sammy is just Sam lol.

The Wedding Celebration turned out awesome! Everyone had an amazing time! The cake was beautiful! Everyone loved the Wish Tree... and we got some good advice <3 Pete's Dad and Corey were there which was so nice. Corey stayed for a few days, and it was fun! It wasn't long enough though. He's a new little brother, and he's the best! The after party was so much fun! We went to Downies on South Street with Stevie, Ashley, Tom, Ant, Liz and Phil. Ant's got bad taste in friends, but I was in such a good mood and being all love everybody, ha ha! It was so much fun! I got everyone to sing karaoke for me including strangers! It was awesome!

So thats enough updating for now...

Its crazy how much better I am feeling. Maybe I just needed to vent. Anyways until next time... going to snuggle with hubby and kids <3 Excited to spend the next two days together!