Contemplative...

I've been thinking so much lately. Not that that has really changed ever.
But I have been thinking of all the things I ever wanted to be. Sometimes I feel so inadequate. So mediocre. Especially because I am so much of a dreamer. I dream 95% of the time of everything I want in life. And accomplished so few. Especially with school... I wish I had more focus. I would have loved to be the A+ school girl who sounds so intelligent when she speaks as a woman. But I'm pretty sure that will not be the case. I just kind of want to fit in somewhere... like an inspirational professor or an unbelievable artist. I want to put my mark on the world some how. And absolutely not in the corporate world. I despise the corporate world. I just feel it goes against every fiber of my being. People in the corporate world are mostly greedy, power hungry wolves. They are willing to ruin someone else to get ahead. Most of them lie, gossip and take advantage of good people. I do not want to be miserable in that lifestyle. I fear going back into that world. I am so afraid of my past. I hope my plans can come through with hard work and perserverance... and that I will not have to bring myself back into that world. And pray.