<3

I just have to say my amazing husband SPOILS me :o) he is so awesome.

Gifts from my love this Christmas <3

1. A personal library lol
Roverandom by Tolkien
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
M Is For Magic by Neil Gaiman
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice
The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel and Don Jose Ruiz

2. Some of my favorite movies!
With Honors
School Ties
Say Anything
High Fidelity
Sixteen Candles
French Kiss

3. Red Satin Pajamas!

4. Black scroll Yankee Candle holder with an "L" that hangs from it!

5. This jumper dress I fell in love with at Macy's and leggings and Christmas socks :o)

6. Knee high gray Muk-Luks boots with big brown buttons that go all the way up along the side!

7. An Autumn Fairy Figurine, so very pretty!

8. This awesome figurine that I fell in love with... basically he is a pine cone creature holding these little acorn creatures with a mushroom standing next to them, it is so cute! I loved him 'cause he looks like one of the creatures from "Where The Wild Things Are" <3

9. A purple Ipod Nano!

10. AND THE REAL SURPRISE GIFT - A TRIPOD FOR MY CAMERA!!!


So yeah, he spoils me lol even though all I wanted for Christmas was for him to be home and not working... and I got that too :o)

True Colors

I really wish I could write something positive in this blog for once.

To sum up the holidays, I AM SO HAPPY THEY ARE NEARLY OVER. Everyone's true colors came through this Christmas, and I am counting down to the day we move out of this house. Due to my Aunt's persistence in having a surprise party for my Mom or Girl's Night Out... when no one has money... and my Mom specifically saying she did not want a party... we had a surprise party for my Mom's 50th birthday. I have been busting my ass this month to set everything up for this party, invites, a time line of poster boards with a collage of my Mom through the years, seeing who can make food, reserving tables and chairs and a heated tent (which we didn't wind up getting)... because when my Aunts said we should do something even though I wasn't going to... I second guessed myself and thought maybe my Mom is doing some reverse psychology... and with that the party planning started. I really was thinking maybe she was trying to make it seem like she didn't want it, but she really did. Because I know if we didn't do something special, she would be hurt... especially the boys not doing something. Because I am extremely sentimental... I am always doing sentimental things for my Mom... she could care less if they come from me. But I decided to do it anyway.

Anyway to put it plainly... it was a disaster. My older brother was trying to do everything his way... because he is the "successful" one, the pride and joy of my Mother because he made something of himself... because he strapped himself with mortgage payments of a huge house out in West Grove and a needless full bar for the basement. Because my Mother measures success in a monetary value. Because his intellect is SUPERIOR to every one else in this world. He is GOD, didn't you know? My oldest brother bitching that I didn't involve him... and why would I involve him when he called me not two weeks before and said he couldn't put a dime towards the gift idea for my Mom... a Travel Gift Fund. And he lives in Horsham... he would never drag his ass down here to help in that way. And making food? His wife would be doing it, and the woman can't stand my Mom so WTF. Then he's got the nerve to make me feel like an idiot because I am stressed for the 2 weeks before Christmas, not getting any sleep, making sure everything is done so by the day of the party I was frazzled and wasn't thinking of solutions quick enough. Thats right because I'm fat, I must be dumb. My younger brother not even wanting to put money into the gift... I wasn't expecting any help from him because he doesn't care about anyone except himself. I don't have a job and Pete and I put in $560! My Dad who refuses to believe he is EVER at fault for anything!

I COULD HAVE OVERLOOKED THAT ALL...

People started showing... not everyone I expected, but still a good crowd. We were waiting and excited! She comes in, she seems surprised! I thought she was. Not 5 minutes in, me and Pete are sitting down... my Dad asks my Mom right in front of me if she was happy and surprised... and she says she is extremely embarrassed by people being in her house and thought that it was ridiculous! She kept going on and on to my Dad. She was pissed! She fucking hated it! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. But I didn't... I felt like I was going to start crying my eyes out so I tried to get upstairs as fast as I could... Pete not much after and... then my wicked step mother not much behind. I wanted nothing to do with her. I would have been fine if I never saw her again at that moment. She started yelling at Pete! I blew up! Yell at me, I won't give a shit... but Pete had nothing to do with it!!! Except for being the best husband ever and helping me EVERY step of the way. PROVEN yet again that I am not the daughter she wanted... that I can do nothing right... and that my sentimental gifts to her mean nothing. I only came out for Pete. She was going to walk out like it would bother me any. She was so phony and fake the rest of the night... telling me how good it was to see everybody, how nice it was, how awesome the collage poster boards were. She barely acknowledged her gift... the Travel Gift Fund. She gushed and said thank you. The words were so empty and meant nothing to me. And the next day on Facebook, she posts the same bullsh for EVERYONE to see. The words became even more empty if that was possible. I know I will NEVER do something like this for her ever again. I AM TIRED OF HER LACK OF EMOTION. HER BULLSHIT. HER QUIET DEMANDS. HER MANIPULATING. I cannot connect with this woman at all. I have tried so many times. We are two completely different people, and I am TIRED. TIRED of everything and trying. And trying to act like it doesn't matter, and that everything is okay with me and her ... and me and this family. From what happened between me, Nick and Lisa when I confided in her and she went not five minutes later to my Mother to tell her everything, her yelling at me for some bullshit and talking to me like I were her daughter and me standing up for myself, to Nick going ballistic on me and almost punching me... from Artie being a complete asshole and disrespecting me and my husband time and time again... to Anthony completely taking advantage of all the help I ever try to give him, being unbelievably hot and cold, treating me like absolute shit, badmouthing the hell out of me to my other family members time and time again and acting like he didn't when I heard the whole thing, and not caring at all that he hurts me ALL the time... to me being the OUTCAST, the BLACK SHEEP, to being the one left out of my brothers' little fucking club, hearing not a fucking phone call from any of them! To being the one that no one gives a FUCK about! Other than badmouthing my life choices! I am tired of the lies and secrets and guilt trips! I am tired of being judged! I am tired of my family making me feel worthless, hopeless, helpless and like a complete failure! I am tired of the lack of support of anything I ever wanted to do from my parents! Why couldn't they just say go for it for FUCKING ONCE?!?!? This is not the way it is in every family, and I AM DONE! I am done pretending.

Christmas time is here :o)

So Thanksgiving has passed, and Christmas time is here!!! Cannot wait to start the holiday festivities!!! And eat candy canes :o) God, please let me enjoy this holiday with no problems!!!

I'm done most of my Christmas shopping... that is sure a good feeling! I started earlier this year, and it seems to be working out so much better!

So we have decided we are going down to Mississippi to visit over the holidays! Wow, its been awhile. Last time I was there was April/May of 2006. I am nervous about it as I always am and pray that it goes smoothly. I felt alittle better after having a funny text convo with Pete's Dad Thanksgiving night though! He was being so funny... I felt so bad that he spent Thanksgiving alone :o( hopefully next year that won't be the case! I'd like to be down there for Thanksgiving.

Mini-Updates of the fam...

Pete: Doing well! Hating his job, but thats not news ha ha. He's doing well in school! He's a tad stressed so the Christmas break is coming at an awesome time.

Me: SO a huge step happened for me... I figured out what I really want to do, but I'm not talking about it. Liz mentioned this statistic that people who talk about their ideas are less likely to do them due to the sense of accomplishment at just the thought of the idea. So NO talking about I decided. Just do it. I'm getting jewelry orders for Christmas! And I also got asked to do wedding earrings! Excited about that :o)

Sam & Mags: Both doing well, getting ready for winter!

Hideaway

"I don't want you to go, I'll eat you up I love you so." <3

Soon to be the season :o)

I'm starting to feel Christmas festive!!! But I'm trying to suppress it lol I don't really like getting festive until Thanksgiving! But I love Christmas shopping, Peddler's Village, hot chocolate, candy canes, wrapping presents, Christmas music, wreaths, the smell of cookies baking, the smell of the Christmas tree, writing Christmas cards, decorating the Christmas tree, snow, winter coats and scarves, etc.!!! Can't wait!!!

Perfect

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live for you!
I'll make you what I never was!
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her!
I'm doing this for your own damn good!
You'll make up for what I blew!
What's the problem ...... why are you crying?!

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
if you're perfect...

(Love Mom & Dad)

Daylight...

You cool your bed-warm hands down on the broken radiator,
And when you lay them freezing on me,
I mumble "can you wake me later?"
But I don't really want you to stop
and you know it so it doesn't stop you
And run your hands from my neck to my chest

Crack the shutters open wide,
I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays
tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways
to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you
just as much as I want you

It's been minutes, it's been days,
it's been all I will remember
Happy lost in your hair
and the cold side of the pillow
Your hills and valleys are
mapped by my intrepid fingers
And in a naked slumber,
I dream all this again

Halloween Season :o)

My fall has been all over the place.

October started out pretty awesome... so many plans and getting along with everyone! Fall makes me so happy, and it was rubbing off on everyone. I had planned to go to the Poe Warehouse, Renaissance Faire, Where the Wild Things Are, Linvilla Orchards, of course The Bates Motel, and any other scary haunted house type places I could think of! I had originally planned for me and Pete to be two of the Wild Things, but I would have had to start making those costumes in the summer! So we decided on Mother Nature and Friar Tuck :o) which I loved!

Linvilla Orchards was a great time! Pete, me, Ant & Liz went together... and it was so much fun! We went through a cornstalk maze, and we tried the apple sling... the cornstalk maze was fun... we never really got lost, suprisingly lol and the apple sling was exactly how it sounds... a giant sling shot for apples... and I can't believe not one of us hit the targets lol Then we went to eat some yummy butterfly chips (SO GOOD!) After that, we visited the animals which was some craziness. Crazy haired chickens, funny noises and greedy goats! We brought home some goodies and then came home to play some Beatles Rock Band :o)

Then came the weekend of Where the Wild Things Are, Cosi and Poe Warehouse... Where the Wild Things Are, I loved loved loved <3 it reminded me of being a kid again... and I just love that. Cosi was amazing! Haven't been there in years, and it was exactly as good as I remembered... don't you love that? Then Poe Warehouse in the city... I thought this was awesome! Alittle bit haunted house, alittle bit performance... it was really good. I'm so glad I made it to that!

Then after that everything sort of went downhill... I should've known better than to be so relying on people. People are generally unreliable. Atleast I know where I stand, you know. I know I do not fit in with my family, I get this, I understand this... I accept this and I'll move on. I still love them though.

After some family woes, there was rain rain rain followed by one thing going wrong after the other. My bed fiasco being one. Bates Motel wound up being horrible due to said family issues. Due to rain, we couldn't really go to any other haunted houses. And then I had to start making me and Pete's costumes. Pete looked great as Friar Tuck :o) he was so cute (Snuggie Monster) lmao. I liked the way my costume came out... I felt good and confident and pretty :o) despite being a big girl.

The Renaissance Faire was pretty much a wash, but we did our best to enjoy what we could and we did :o) We went to one show, shopped around, bought some souvies and then it started raining so we decided it was time to head home. We got home for Halloween night, had some yummy junk lol but of course what would my favorite holiday be without coming home to the family who can't stand me?! So we actually went to bed around 10:30... bleh.

Next day, I thought I could make up for the movies I didn't watch on Halloween. It was our family Halloween party. I bought these reddish clay animal ears from the Ren Faire so I decided to be a fox for the party and not get all done up in the Mother Nature costume again. So went to store, bought some fabric and fluff and made myself a fox tail. LoL I liked the way that costume came out too lol. Party was actually pretty good! Alot of people came, but of course as always the highlights of the party to me were the little ones... Brian, Lily and Ben. They are such cutie pies. I really wish I could see them more often. I love them so much <3 Brian was dressed up as Batman, a costume Colleen made, and it looked great! Lily was a witch, and she looked so cute. And Ben was Joker... I saw him in his purple courduroy suit which was adorable. But haven't seen him in his Joker make up yet!





After everyone left, Pete & I and my Mom watched The Changeling (the old one with George C Scott which is not the same as the new one). I forgot how much I liked that movie.

To sum up my Halloween season, I decided that by next Halloween... Pete and I will be living in our own place. The bullsh, hurt and hypocrisy that exists in this house and family are too much to handle this close to heart. It has taken me so long to feel like myself again after the past couple of years, and my family doesn't care in the least that they are pushing me back there again. Right now, I am tense, my chest hurts, and I feel like I'm about to snap. I honestly don't know how much my family and I will be talking after I move out for the last time. It sort of feels like we will be washing our hands of each other. And if thats the way it has to be then it will be.

But for today, the sky is absolutely beautiful, the weather is amazing, I am listening to amazing music, fall is all around me... and I am going to try to enjoy it as much as I can while it lasts <3

Why won't you run into rain and play and let the tears splash all over you???

So I'm bummed lol.

The Dave Weekend Event has come and gone :o(

He was unbelievable!!! Funny as ever and goofing with the audience. The shows were AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I had a really good time! ...but not a great time.

I started out being sick lol but it could have been avoided.

But mostly its crazy how much changes in a year...

Last year, us four (meaning me, Pete, my brother and his fiance) were like best friends... this year, it felt strange and uncomfortable. I guess thats what happens after a few falling outs, right? So it wasn't quite the same for me as last year. They don't really seem to like us... I feel like they talk to us mostly out of being polite or obligation or boredom. Its hard to understand. Sometimes it feels like I couldn't be closer to people and then sometimes I feel like a leper. Maybe if I never expected to go with them I would have prepared and had a much better time!

Oh well. Next year, I will know better.


"Come and see
I swear by now I'm playing time
against my troubles... oh
I'm coming slow but speeding!
Do you wish for a dance
and while I'm in the front,
my play on time is won, oh
but the difficulty is coming here...

I will go in this way...
oh, and I'll find my own way out!
I won't tell you what to be, oh
but I'm coming to much more!
Me!
All at once the ghosts come back
reeling in you now, oh...
What if they came down crushing?
Its used to be that you and me
play for all of the loneliness
that nobody notices now
Oh, I'm begging slow
I'm coming here...
Only waiting...
I wanted to stay,
I wanted to play,
I wanted to love you!
I'm only this far
and only tomorrow leads the way!
I'm coming here waltzing back
and moving into your head!
Please...
I wouldn't pass this by
Oh, I wouldn't take more than I need!
What sort of man goes by?
Well I will bring water!
Why won't you ever be glad?
It melts into wonder...
I came in praying for you!
Why won't you run
into rain and play...
let the tears splash all over you?"

The Promise.

Today, Tuesday, September 8, 2009 at approximately 2:00pm... I made a promise to myself. I made a promise to rid all the hate of my life on the day I step on new ground. And the thought of that gave me such relief that I know it is the right decision. Just because something is all you know doesn't make it good and worth the tears and hurt and frustration and rage over and over again. And so I've decided...

Where The Wild Things Are :o)

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS MOVIE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I used to read this story all the time as a kid, and I cannot wait to see it come to my life :o)

Money is the Root of All Evil.

I hate that money is such a necessary evil.

Contemplative...

I've been thinking so much lately. Not that that has really changed ever.
But I have been thinking of all the things I ever wanted to be. Sometimes I feel so inadequate. So mediocre. Especially because I am so much of a dreamer. I dream 95% of the time of everything I want in life. And accomplished so few. Especially with school... I wish I had more focus. I would have loved to be the A+ school girl who sounds so intelligent when she speaks as a woman. But I'm pretty sure that will not be the case. I just kind of want to fit in somewhere... like an inspirational professor or an unbelievable artist. I want to put my mark on the world some how. And absolutely not in the corporate world. I despise the corporate world. I just feel it goes against every fiber of my being. People in the corporate world are mostly greedy, power hungry wolves. They are willing to ruin someone else to get ahead. Most of them lie, gossip and take advantage of good people. I do not want to be miserable in that lifestyle. I fear going back into that world. I am so afraid of my past. I hope my plans can come through with hard work and perserverance... and that I will not have to bring myself back into that world. And pray.

My Birthday :o)

My birthday was yesterday, and what a good day! :o)

My hubby spoiled me...

Starting at midnight, he made me come downstairs to a wrapped present... opening it to find the Halloween decoration I wanted! Its from Hallmark, a Halloween decorated box (for trick or treaters to get candy) and when you open there are all sorts of sound effects! Loved it! But inside the box were multiple things...

The first was an awesome Hoops and Yoyo talking card!!! If you know me, you know that I absolutely love love love Hoops and Yoyo! It was Hoops and Yoyo as pirates talking about birthday booty LOL :o)
Second was a funny card about aging... I have trouble with aging, ha ha ha.
Third was a sentimental card, and it was so amazingly sweet. I love my hubby <3

Then there another wrapped present inside... the newest season of House! Which is awesome because I missed the second half of the season and I wanted to see it before the new season starts!

Then on the bottom of the box was a note that read...

"This is the Birthday Treasure Hunt! Find the clues and put them together to find out your final gift! Good Luck Matey!"

:oD I was pretty excited!

Pete then handed me a note that read...
"A very handy home holds the first clue to your final gift! Think hard!"
I at first focused on "handy" and "holds" thinking it may be a purse... but to no avail. Then I thought "home" and I started looking for a home inside our home. And I thought the bird house Pete made! Pete's Surf Shack! And sure enough, there it was sticking out of the door!

The next clue read..
"WE ARE..." on the first side and on the back it read... "The next clue may be found in the movie you most want to see on your birthday!"
I knew what that was! I had been dying to watch Lilo & Stitch, one of my favs. I know I'm weird for craving a Disney movie, but I don't care I love them. Searched inside the dvd and found the next clue!

Which read... "GOING..." on the first side and on the opposite side it read... "Your final clue lies in the sands of our wishes..."
And I looked to the right to see our Wish Tree from our wedding and saw a note sticking out of the sand!

The final clue read...
"TO SEE..." and the opposite side... "Now put the clues together for your final gift!"

"WE ARE GOING TO SEE..."

Then he played a song... "Shut your eyes and think of somewhere... somewhere cold and caked in snow..."
AHHHHHHHHHH! SNOW PATROL! One of my favorite bands ever and one I have been dying to see!!!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!! WHAT A GOOD SURPRISE!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! <3

The next day I woke up, showered and put on one of my favorite outfits, prettied myself up and put on the necklace my Mum got me for my birthday! We just relaxed pretty much then watched Lilo & Stitch :o) He didn't let me get up to do anything, he did everything all day... cleaned, anything I needed he would get for me, it was so nice <3 he's so good to me.

Then he recreated my favorite meal from Carrabba's... Pollo Rosa Maria with a side of cavatappi and my favorite wine Beringer White Zinfandel. It was amazing! He is such a good cook! And he also bought me, my favorite, a chocolate chip cookie cake... you know those huge chocolate chip cookies with icing on them from Mrs. Fields!

It might sound boring, but I'm pretty much a big kid so it was awesome to me :o)

I love you hubby so much <3 thank you for the awesome birthday!!!


~~~But I can't wait 'til this Sunday to give you your real birthday present!!! :oD

Cape May <3

I just wanted to write that every time I visit Cape May, I love it more and more <3

Pete and I went there for a couple of days with my folks, my brother Artie, and his family. The kids were awesome!!! It really was such a good time... highlights being the kids and the afternoon me, Pete and my parents spent at the Cape May Winery... we were all toasty when we left and headed to town. It was so much fun, we were all being silly lol

My Mom bought us these neat necklaces, glass lockets trimmed in silver and rhinestone and inside you put these tiny charms that mean something to you. They have all these different charms! My Mom got a smaller heart shaped locket and inside a rhinestone M and red crystal heart. I got a larger circle locket and the charms I got are a rhinestone L, flip flops, a beach scene and a wedding ring <3 I just love it so much!!! She bought it for my birthday so I just wanted to say "Thank you Mom!!!" And I bought another addition to my Charming Tails collection... this one is a little mouse with a lighthouse to remind me of Cape May :o) I just love everything about Cape May, the shops, the beach, the houses, the things to do, the restaurants!

The only bad part was that it was SO HOT! I didn't venture into the sun much... we went to the beach and it was great because our hotel gives out beach umbrellas and chairs. And the other bad part was because it was so short :o(

Cape May is my favorite place in the world <3

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

I don't even know what to say... I'm in such a funk... I feel like this happens every summer. Sometimes I think summer brings out the worst in me...

For the past few weeks, I feel like there has been a rain cloud over my head. I really really hate when this happens. It just seems like it is so hard to get along with everyone in my life. And all these upsets, disappointments and aggravations just build and build until I feel like I'm about to spaz!

I thought Seattle would be my chance to get away from everything and everyone, but it was a pretty miserable trip. Don't get me wrong... we had our highlights and fun times! But everything went wrong... from the rental car, to having to cancel parts of our trip, blisters, sunburn, flight delays, mean people and other things I won't mention. It was no vacation. And it absolutely wore me out. Both of us! We just wanted to be home!

But when we got home it was just more of the same... more fighting and aggravations.

Money is tight. The pressure from my parents on me getting a job and us finding a place to live is suffocating. Problems with Maggie getting fixed. Grrr! The list goes on and on...

And now I feel so stressed and blah and tense and defensive. My parents would say I have no reason to feel that way. But I am so easily overwhelmed these days. But its because its not one or two problems thrown at me sometimes... its either smooth sailing or stress overload! I've got nothing going on then all the sudden all these problems fall into my lap. I know I'm not the only one, but come on.

And to top it all off, the old friend that I thought I would hear no more of... kept trying to get in contact with me. I hadn't even thought of her since I wrote the blog. I should have just ignored her. But I sent her a message... cold and to the point. My intention was not to make her feel bad, but to let her know how I felt and that I did not want to be her friend. But she replied and blasted me. I knew she would, and I know her intention was to make me feel as horrible and small as she possibly could. I expected no less. Her biggest point was that I blamed her for everything when if she actually read what I wrote I said many things happened, but what happened with her was the most hurtful because she was supposed to be my best friend. I put my heart and soul in friendships and relationships, and she ripped it out. But now she is for sure out of my life, and it gives me relief. And after tonight, I will never think of her again. And oddly enough, despite her hurtful remarks, I am already feeling better.

What keeps me going... my amazing husband and Sam and Mags. I love them so much <3
I thank God for them everyday. I can't wait to move to our favorite place in the world :o)
Pete starts school soon! He seems so excited about it, and it makes me so happy for him! Maggie seems to be getting better each day which is good. And Sammy is just Sam lol.

The Wedding Celebration turned out awesome! Everyone had an amazing time! The cake was beautiful! Everyone loved the Wish Tree... and we got some good advice <3 Pete's Dad and Corey were there which was so nice. Corey stayed for a few days, and it was fun! It wasn't long enough though. He's a new little brother, and he's the best! The after party was so much fun! We went to Downies on South Street with Stevie, Ashley, Tom, Ant, Liz and Phil. Ant's got bad taste in friends, but I was in such a good mood and being all love everybody, ha ha! It was so much fun! I got everyone to sing karaoke for me including strangers! It was awesome!

So thats enough updating for now...

Its crazy how much better I am feeling. Maybe I just needed to vent. Anyways until next time... going to snuggle with hubby and kids <3 Excited to spend the next two days together!

Crazy Week!

So we are finally here! The Wedding Celebration is this Saturday so this week I am running around like a crazy person trying to get everything ready for it! Getting the dress dry cleaned, making sure people understood the invites, working on favors, cleaning the house and making sure we have everything ready for the trip... thank God its small is all I have to say... I have been stressed with 50 people... imagine if I had the big, traditional wedding, yuck! Ha Ha :o) And lets pray for the weather to be cooler so I'm not dying in the dress!

I am so happy that Corey and Pete's Dad are coming! Pete's face lit up when he told me. I didn't think they were going to make it... but they surprised us at the last minute! So good things that way... I hate that we aren't able to visit. We are trying to visit there for Thanksgiving! Hopefully we can, it would be good to see everybody... especially since we got married :o)

I am still waiting for this one package to come in the mail which is the one I ordered first, grrr. I don't get it! I really hope it gets here in time! Sea Otter charms :o) yes, I know I'm a geek. But they are my favorite animal, and I get to see them for the first time next week!!! The best present ever would be me to play with sea otters for a little while, you know like dolphins. I don't even know if they have that lol but that would be awesome...

The End of a Long Chapter...

So a long chapter of my life has come to an end. Its been up, its been down. Its been amazing, and its been a nightmare. I am sad to see it end. But there's just no other way.

A friend.

A friend doesn't do the things she has done.

Through this whole time I wanted to believe she was the good person she claimed to be. I let her charm and lust for life blind me. But its always there. The reality of who she really is. Even if I were to forgive her for the past, I realize now I could never forget. Especially because she has not changed. She forces herself on to you. I don't even know if she realizes what she does. She drains you and uses you up until you have nothing left. She treats me like I am a child. I am stronger than she will ever be. She never understood and never will what I have been through in my life. And at a time I needed her most, she turned her back on me and betrayed me. All I can say is "What goes around, comes around." She dealt with a situation with friends that I listen to her go on and on about now. And thats all I could think of was that saying. (((Do you remember when that friend asked you to dinner? You told me you were too hurt and not ready to forgive for what she has done. You didn't reply to her message. Now you know what I was doing whenever you asked me to go out with you. I was not ready to put myself out there again. I did not want to be hurt like that again.))) I have tried to give her chances... and almost thought we could be friends again. But I will not let myself be hurt like again. I am a different person than I was then. I was weak and vulnerable due to everything that was going on. Now I am strong and independent. I don't need a fair weather friend. A friend who has time to vent and unload all of their problems on to you and can not return the favor. She is the epitome of the TOXIC FRIEND. I have been through the dark and came back to the light. I used to think I needed her vain compliments and reassurance. But I do not need that from anyone. I have proved to myself that I can get through these things. I have all the love I need in my life, the good kind, the unconditional kind. Not the kind of love when its convenient for you to love. Despite not having a perfect life, I love life and all that it has to offer. And accept that there are things I cannot change, and that things will happen, good and bad. And believe in myself that I can handle what life brings me. I am not perfect, and do not claim to be. I have many of my own flaws. But I know I deserve better than that.

If you see this, here is a message to you...

"I am sad that we cannot be friends. There is good in you. But you are consumed by trivial and harmful things. You are a very hurtful person. And I respect myself too much to be friends with you. I hope in time you will open your eyes. I do not wish bad on you. I wish you happiness in your life. I love you for the good in you. And I will treasure our good memories forever. Goodbye."

Invitations are done!

So me and my Mom worked very hard tonight and got all the invites done! They look so pretty!!! I won't tell what they look like 'cause that will spoil it, but I do love them!!! Getting so excited for the Celebration!!!

OptimYstic :o)

I came across this article and fell in love. It makes too much sense... I wish we all could... we would be so much happier! What do you say???

Body/Soul: Living In The Now

by Deborah Noel
Graphic Illustration by Darren Schwindaman
February 8, 2006


Can you feel your feet? No, not with your hands. In this moment, can you feel the sensations going on in those two things that carry you around all day? What about your left little toe? Can you feel "inside" it? Chances are good that unless the poor thing is yelping in pain, you've given it no thought at all. How about the inside of your right knee? Or the tip of your left shoulder blade? Are you living in your body, or is your body simply following your brain around?
We live in a culture of "talking heads," and the heads doing most of the talking belong to us. What were you thinking before reading this newspaper? Was it about something in the past? "I can't believe what he said to me! … That jerk in the pickup cut me off! … Good grief, I screwed up again. What an idiot I am." Or it could have been something in the future. "Where will I get the money? … What if I bombed that test? … I'll be happy when I finally get a new job, house or car." Sound familiar?

Can we change any of those situations by thinking about them constantly? No. Does it make us feel good to think about them? No. Then why do we choose to do it? It is a choice, after all.

Let us make another choice. Think. In this moment, what do I lack? Am I fed, clothed and warm? Most of us are. But do we spend much time thinking about how good things really are right this minute? I'm getting better at it, but I ain't there yet. How about you?

The concept of living in the moment is not new. Teachers, philosophers and motivational speakers have preached it for centuries. Why don't more of us practice it? Some may say it's only for Tibetan monks on mountaintops. But there is a distinctly practical side to changing the way we think. Scientists have demonstrated the effect of stress on our bodies, and we know how hard it is to bear. That is why we constantly seek ways to reduce it. From spa treatments to TV, books and movies, to drugs and alcohol, we look for escape from stress.

Shouldn't we consider the source instead? Who creates all this anger, anxiety, fear, guilt and worry? We do it—by allowing the continuous talk in our heads. The guy who cut us off in traffic is not the culprit. Our reaction to him is. And the negativity grows every time we push the instant replay button. Eventually, these brain loops affect the body, causing muscle tension, indigestion, headaches and more. A continuous stream can cause serious disease and impaired relationships. It would be cheaper, easier and much more fun to simply change our minds—before we land in the doctor's office with a self-inflicted illness.

For the spiritually inclined, there are other advantages to changing our thought patterns. One cannot connect to God with a mind full of negative thoughts. Many of us have begun some form of meditative practice, but often have difficulty taking the feeling of presence into our everyday lives.

One opportunity is to create an awareness of how our bodies feel in the moment. Which brings us back to our feet, so as a beginning exercise, try this. Give your feet a nice massage. Thank them for carrying your baggage around. And don't think about anything except how good it feels.

Married life and well Life in general :o)

Love: Married life is so good! I don't know how, but I am constantly falling in love again with my husband all over again all the time! I love feeling that way. He is the cheese to my macaroni <3 He's working so hard for us, and I appreciate it so much. We are seeing so much of each other due to me being unemployed, and I am soaking it up because it won't be like that forever!

Kids/Pets: We got Evey fixed a couple weeks ago... and it was then that we realized that she wasn't eating. It brought me to tears :o( I didn't realize that she hadn't been eating. She was so skinny. So over the past couple of weeks, I have been on top of her trying to get her healthy again. And she is doing amazing! Eating everything up. And her personality has gotten so much better... probably due to getting her fixed, and us doting on her so much. My mother stills want us to give her away. I just don't know if I can do it. She has turned into a sweetheart although we are still keeping Maggie and her separated. We might have to move out sooner than I thought. I don't think I can stomach giving her away. This week I am going to try introducing Maggie to her again. If she warms to her over the next couple of weeks, I will make my decision then. Maggie is doing great! Lovey dovey and silly. I love her so much! Although she is in heat and making a mess. We will be getting her fixed this week. Money has been so tight lately. And Sammy has been of course doing awesome! This week was Evey and Sammy's birthday! Sammy turned 5! I can't believe he is 5! It makes me sad because he really isn't a puppy anymore :o( but he still seems it! Love my kids :o)

Job: Blah. I have been trying to find a job since January... no one is hiring! I have tried everywhere. Its getting extremely frustrating... hopefully something will come up soon! And not be a terrible 9 to 5. Jewelry business I have started is doing good though! I have gotten offers of people wanting to sell my designs in their stores like hair/nail salons and places like that. Although its tough staying up on that too without much money. Pete gets frustrated with his job alot. He works his butt off, but doesn't get much for it. He's only the one who hears it about other people's screw ups and things like that. Such is life in that line of work, being young and being a guy with a pervy boss who favors the young girls. Even though they, well most, suck!

Living Situation: Could be better. I am grateful that my folks are letting us stay until something works out for us. Apartments are ridiculous around here. Especially when I can't find a job. But being a married couple in your parents' home is tough. We just want to be us, and we can't do that here. Sometimes it is amazing being here like when we were kids! And sometimes it is awful to where everyone is avoiding each other, fighting or not talking. Sometimes we seriously have to walk on eggshells. Either way it is time we got our own place again for good.

Everything else!: So far summer hasn't been terrible... I mean weather wise. Everyone who knows me knows the heat/humidity and I do not mix. It drains all my energy. I actually prefer the cooler, rainy days to the sunny, hot & humid days! Haven't been to many festivities as of yet! We've got a few Rose Tree Park concerts coming up! The first one I can't wait for - The Caribbean Authentics! A Caribbean band who plays the steel drums, can't wait for that! And we'll also be going to Cape May in August which will be awesome of course. Thats one of our favorite places to go in the world! We would move there if we could! And of course the highlights being - Our Official Wedding Celebration will be taking place at The Chart House on Columbus Blvd/Delaware Ave... awesome restaurant that overlooks the water! Looking forward to that! And our big trip to the west coast!!! Which will sort of be like a honeymoon, ha ha, but not officially. But we are going a few days after the wedding celebration. CAN'T WAIT, CAN'T WAIT, CAN'T WAIT!!!

On a sad note, can't seem to shake the passing away of MJ :o( I have just been so sad about it. I guess because its like a piece of my childhood died. Me and my brother singing and watching Moonwalker. Its just crazy. And how sad his life turned out to be. I hope none of those accusations were true... but I guess we'll never know. But hopefully he is in a good place now.

Well thats it for now... as if that wasn't enough! Ha Ha.

April 26, 2009 <3

So this is a tad late,
but I wanted to start a blog as a family :o)

For the first blog, I will be bringing over my entry from right after we got married!

"So...

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to the tell you the truth I am still on Cloud 9!!!

Planning a wedding is stressful... and to try and please everyone is impossible. It was really starting to take away from what the day is supposed to mean. So we decided to elope... knowing it possibly might upset certain loved ones. But we hoped that they would understand why and how much we loved each other and we didn't want this long drawn out thing, we just wanted to get married and start our lives together as Mr. & Mrs. Weddell!!!

So we did it!!!

The week before was alittle stressed, but we couldn't get over our excitement about what we were about to do!!!

On THE day, the sun was beating down hot... unseasonably warm! But as soon as I stepped outside finally in my dress and all done up... it had cooled drastically!!!

My Mom and I drove to Cove Beach after taking some pictures... when I stepped out of the car, everyone made me feel beautiful :o) especially my soon-to-be husband! This was the first time I was at this side of Cape May. It was the most beautiful beach, perfect <3 The sun was setting, and if you looked out the view was incredible... the jetties and the lighthouse in the distance and of course the cove! The sun was warm, the breeze was cool and the soundtrack was the waves crashing into the jetties and the sand...

The Reverend was so nice and funny!!! He made everyone feel at ease... Iwasn't nervous at all though... just super excited!!! In minutes, I was going to be Mrs. Weddell!!! We started the ceremony, and I couldn't take my eyes off of Pete, he looked amazing... but his eyes... full of love and so sincere <3 I fought back the tears really hard especially when he starting saying his vows... I love him so much. We were squeezing each other's hands and whispering 'I love yous.' I tried to show him how much he meant to me while I spoke my vows to him. I didn't mess up once!

I was already floating off to Cloud 9 and tried to hold on so I could hear and remember everything... and I did... and "I now pronounce you man and wife!" <3 I didn't want to let him go!!! It felt amazing that my parents were there. It felt so right. It felt perfect :o)

And so on Sunday, April 26th, 2009, in Cape May, New Jersey at Sunset on Cove Beach, we became MR. & MRS. WEDDELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The most unforgettable and happiest day of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!